Who Am I?

 

I am learning about boundaries. They aren't something you see. So they are difficult for me to articulate. I have crossed them. Others have crossed mine. Mostly because I failed to set them up properly. I didn't understand them or how to use them. As a result I was hurt, which then resulted in others being hurt.

Helping me to understand is my counselor, a wonderful Christian lady. And Lysa TerKeurst in her book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes - Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are. Because to understand what boundaries must be placed, we must understand who we are. The reason, as Lysa puts it, is this:

Boundaries help me stay true to who I really am…. In a biblical sense, it's me not allowing another person to make me betray who I am in Christ.

Lysa says this after sharing a short paragraph of who she is and her list of strengths, and how those are compromised and a list of negative traits emerge when her boundaries are being crossed. She then challenges her readers to answer the question "Who am I?"

This helped me process my homework from my counselor in discovering my strengths. My homework had two pieces of paper. One with a list of strengths. Another with three challenges: name a fictional character, their strengths, and how they use them daily; name someone you know, their strengths, and how they use them daily; and finally me, my strengths, how I use them daily, and also how I used them in a specific challenge.

The first two went okay. But as I tried to pick out my own strengths I was attacked by shame for not meeting all the strengths. The definition of a strength is something you are particularly good at or comes naturally to you. This does not mean you have them perfected. Or that you don't have other positive traits, they just may not come as easily. That was where Lysa's example helped me tremendously.

So I not only named my strengths, but was also able to answer the question of who I am. And then I read the above passage and thought about how Lysa said, "...who I am in Christ."

Our identity crises, or low self-esteem, Foundations Christian Counseling (the association my counselor is a part of) puts it as thinking more highly of either our own opinion, or other's opinions of us, more than God's determined truth, in one of their blog posts.

The Greek word for life is "psychēn" which means "breath, the soul" but HELPS goes on to note: "a person's distinct identity (unique personhood), i.e. individual personality."

There are all manners of different resources to find or discover yourself, but Jesus tells us to deny ourselves and follow him, to lose our lives for him. For in doing so he says we will save our lives.

I have always heard this passage preached in terms of salvation. But what if it also means giving up our identity in how we think we should be, or giving up the identity others say we should be (or who we think they think we are), so that we can discover who we truly are in Jesus, who God created us to be.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10 NIV

God made us specifically to be able to handle certain tasks. We will not all be able to do the same things to the same level of skill as others. But we need variety because we all have weaknesses, and another's strength can bear the weight of responsibility someone's weakness cannot. That's why Paul goes into great detail about the variety of gifts and necessity of different body parts through 1 Corinthians 12 and tells us to bear one another's burdens in Galatians 6:1-5. Because God created us to be each other's helpers (Genesis 2:18), a team.

We can also trust God when things don't go the way we think they should, or when we think we messed everything up, because God is greater than our mistakes, will make every wrong right, because he has seen each of our days before there was even one:

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there was none of them. - Psalm 139:16 NKJV

So the next time you start doubting yourself, comparing yourself to others, or your world starts falling apart, I would encourage you to look to God, remember who you are because of what Jesus has done, and that our Father has a wonderful plan in store for each and every one of us.

So, be brave, answer the question: "Who are you?" But more importantly: "Who are you in Christ?"

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Masterpiece

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30 NIV

So may I be known, not by my charm or beauty, not by my smile or how I look, but by my faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus for whom I was created:

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. - Psalm 139:14 NKJV

Lysa TerKeurst put this beautiful in her book You’re Going to Make it on Day 32:

There is great intentionality with every detail of everything He [God] touches. Purpose is woven into every created thing, and though you may struggle to believe it sometimes, you are no exception. Here’s how I know: look at Genesis 1:26. After creating the world and all the living things, God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness.” And at that moment, you were thought of with great intentionality. Every bit of who you are, what you are meant to be, and the incredible purpose you are meant to fulfill had Jesus’ full thought and creative touch. (Emphasis mine.)

I am not an accident, I am not a waste, I am not worthless; I was specifically created as I am, with my personality traits, with my unique set of strengths and combination of abilities, and my own role to fulfill by Jesus, lovingly directed by the Father, overseen by the Spirit. On that day when God made mankind, there was a moment He specifically thought of me and my life.

Further down in Psalm 139 it says “Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!” (verses 13-14 NKJV)

When I first read what Lysa wrote about “Jesus’ full thought and creative touch” that He took to create me being at the time of creation, made me realize the days of creation did not pass as quickly as they take to read them. They were as God designed them: 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86,400 seconds, or 86,400,000 milliseconds. And during that day He made mankind, He took a moment to think of me intentionally. As He designed me and every day I would live. And He has done the same for each and every one of you.

And He continues to think about each and every one of us in His omnipotent power and knowledge. For He is God and the greatest multitasker holding the universe together while overseeing every one of our lives, listening to each of our prayers, preparing us for the tasks before us and ultimately our life with Him in heaven, for eternity, where we will continue to do the work He has called us to do.

Lysa TerKeurst’s verse of Day 32 is Genesis 50:20: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

As God designed us and our days, He understood the challenges we would face, He knows how much we can handle, so He gracefully only allows into our lives what we can handle at that time. Tim Keller said that God, in His sovereignty over everything, limits what Satan and his fallen angels can do to us with the intention of defeating Satan.

So even when life feels bleak, when we feel like we’ve gone back to square one, and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, hold on to Jesus, keep praying to God, and trust the Spirit in guiding and equipping you through this time. For you have been made for a purpose, God loves you, and He is creating you to be His Masterpiece:

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Walk By Faith

 "The Jordan River represents submission and surrender to God's will, while the rivers Abana and Pharpar illustrate our own self-will." - Mary Jane Humes in her devotional Naaman's Faith

As I read what Humes had to say about Naaman's reaction to Elisha's instructions for his healing I was reminded of an experience of my own. The Jordan River, she reminds us, is a muddy river, and the other two rivers are known to be much cleaner, which is why Naaman's reaction shouldn't be a surprise:

"Are not the Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel. Could I not wash in them and be clean?" So he turned and went away in a rage. - 2 Kings 5:12 NKJV

My reaction wasn't anger, but more of a "I finally made it, I'm good now" type of reaction.

I was at the Asbury Revival, sitting in the corner of a balcony when they called for a time of prayer to pray for our home churches in small groups. Since I was alone, the woman in front reached back and held my hand and prayed for my home state. After we finished praying, I was in tears, and we spoke. She asked more about me and how she could keep praying and I shared some of my story.

But I felt good and didn't think there was any more progress to be made. So when the young woman beside me struck up a conversation a moment later I felt great and shared the joys of my progress. Because I believed I was good. I thought I was already washed in the Abana River. I was clean. I was good.

But I was not clean. I was not good. God wasn't done with me. And as the evening progressed He kept showing me more little things that I needed to surrender to Him in prayer, asking for His forgiveness.

Then a third woman came up to me in another building, so bubbly and happy, a huge smile on her face and she asked if she could pray for me. When she asked if there was anything specific, I shared the joy of getting right with God on another matter, for I had just finished praying and processing an event from my past and I felt great. I thought I had washed in the Pharpar River. I was clean. I was good.

So she started praying. And then she fell silent.

I felt terrible for the young woman. I never know how to ask for prayer requests. I still struggle. And at that moment I knew I had asked for the wrong thing. You know the term "three strikes and you're out"? Well, that was my third strike and God intervened right there in that prayer and very well could have been saying, "No. Not that prayer. There is still more that needs to be addressed."

The young woman then said, "I don't know why, but I feel like I should ask. Are you single?"

My heart plummeted. This was an issue I thought was resolved. Was behind me. We didn't need to go there. But I nodded.

"And this leads to sexual sins?" She asked.

I nodded again, burrowing my face in my hands from the shame.

Then she prayed the most beautiful prayer. Because even though I still have some struggles, they are nothing compared to what they were before. After she finished praying, with me agreeing and silently specifying some of her general ideas, I felt so liberated.

I thanked her and before she could leave I asked her name. She replied, "Jordan."

Then she left, weaving back through the rows of chairs. I don't know where she came from or where she went after that. I am convinced she was probably an angel. All I know is like Naaman, that prayer was me finally submitting to God and washing in the Jordan River.

Like Naaman, in Jesus I am completely cleansed from my sins because of His sacrifice on the cross. But I will always be a work in progress, yet I can have confidence "that he who began a good work in you (and me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6 NIV).

To wherever you may be, Jordan, thank you so much for being obedient to God's direction in praying, not for what I asked, but for what God said needed to be prayed for. Thank you also for demonstrating your faith and trust in our Lord. Because of your obedience, I realized I could trust God too in going up and praying for another young woman just moments after you left, even though my first reaction was, "No." Thank you for demonstrating the joy that comes from faithfully obeying the Spirit's direction. I hope your living out in faith and joy continues to inspire many others to step out in obedience to the Spirit's calling.

For Jesus Himself told us not to worry about what we will say, because the Spirit will remind us of the things we have learned and will give us the words to speak, we just need to take that first step of faith, and He will direct us from there:

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. - John 14:26 NIV

But when they arrest you and deliver you up, do not worry beforehand, or premeditate what you will speak. But whatever is given you in that hour, speak that; for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit. - Mark 13:11 NKJV

Has there been a time when you have stepped out in faith? If not, the next time you feel that nudge, will you trust Jesus that the Spirit will provide and guide you once you take that first step?

For I heard one person put it something like this: that God can not direct a person that is holding still, but once he or she starts moving forward He can lead them. Like a ship can not move while its sails are tied up, but if they are unfurled, then they can catch the wind that will push them forward.

So unfurl your sails. Take that first step. And walk by faith:

How I Came to Define Hope

What is Hope?

Hope, by definition is something longed for, whether for an event to happen, or a person to save us. Ultimately Jesus is our hope. But I could never grasp that. For me, Jesus wasn’t a part of heaven or eternity. I always saw God as being distant, and continuing to be distant forever. There was no intimacy with God.

Like probably everybody else at some point, I was afraid of dying. Like probably many others, I was also afraid of eternity, therefore heaven. To me, heaven was a place we would basically be alone, bored out of our minds with no time limit. The only pro to heaven is I knew it was better than hell. At least I wouldn’t be getting burned alive and tortured with no time limit.

I also grew up understanding just how worthless I was. So worthless no one could ever possibly love me. And this proved itself when I reached 29 years old and was still single without ever once having a boyfriend or even anyone showing even the tiniest inclination of interest. As a result, one person I worked with even asked if I was gay. And that became a whole struggle of itself.

My bosses helped build my self-esteem as much as they could and encouraged me to ask out a guy who I confessed I had a crush on. They helped the belief that if I didn’t chase something on my own, I was never going to get it. That guy was not a Christian, though he claimed to believe in god, and took me down a spiraling trail of sin, deceit, and the worst feelings of miserableness I have ever felt. Though, I thought I was happy, but I was only happy when things were done on his terms.

But I was so scared to let him go. I thought if I let him go I would undoubtedly remain single for my entire life, which to me meant I would be alone forever in heaven. Yet I knew I needed to break up with him, especially when staying with him meant losing my family: my parents, my siblings, my nephews, and most of all my nieces. After a weekend under my sister-in-law's wise council I was finally able to cut ties with him.

My bosses were then convinced I would end up a spinster and was a coward. I don’t know what God’s plans for me are, but I now know I will never be a spinster and breaking up was one of the most courageous things I have ever done.

I finally understood I no longer needed to be afraid to be single when I got my first glimpse of hope from reading the final chapter of “Dating with Discernment: 12 Questions to Make a Lasting Marriage” by Sam A. Andreades. A book I highly recommend and helped me come to terms with and understand all the reasons my ex was wrong for me and what I should be looking for in a potential spouse.

The last chapter was called “Your Inevitable Wedding Day.” In it, Andreades encouraged his readers that even if we remain single for our entire life, God has promised us our wedding day when Jesus returns for his bride: the church. I got a picture in my head of the joy there would be when I would be united with my Savior. For the first time I understood I would not be alone in heaven, because I would be with Jesus.

Then, after spending a weekend at the Asbury Revival in Kentucky 2023, I caught a glimpse of what heaven would be like. I went there a skeptic, not understanding how something could last for days on end and no one getting tired of praising God, but the very first day I cried when I left. I didn’t want to leave God’s presence. By the end of the weekend I was hoarse from singing praises, could go up and pray for complete strangers, and I finally understood what the first church in Acts was like, and a little bit of what heaven would be like.

Now I not only had Jesus as my forever partner in heaven, I had a purpose and something to do in heaven. Which is being expanded upon as I read through the book “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn. A book three different people at three different times recommended, and one of them asked if I had read it. Four times and I finally got the message: I need to read the book, not just own it. And resulted in me moving forward with this blog.

Returning to a normal life after the revival, and a week being sick with Covid-19, was difficult and I struggled with not knowing what to do next with my life. One morning as I read 1 Peter 1:3-9 NKJV, I felt like I was basking in God’s love as I was reminded again that it wasn’t anything I have done but what Jesus did for me on the cross, and how God keeps us for heaven, a place He is preparing for us. And because we have this hope we can rejoice during the hard times.

Overall that passage can be wrapped up in the short verse of Romans 12:12 NIV: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” that a friend shared with me the next day. So as I prayed for God’s guidance on what was next I looked at that word hope where I had written the verse down and asked myself what exactly was hope. Because I still had not defined hope in words, and the things I learned I did not see as hope. And I realized the one place I wanted to be, was basking in God’s love, as I was while reading the passage from 1 Peter.

So now today I can finally define hope as: Forever abiding in God’s love and presence on a new earth performing a work that glorifies Him, rejoicing to sing His praises and declaring all the good He forged from all the bad in my life. Therefore I can take joy knowing this hope will someday be fulfilled, I can be patient through hard times knowing God is going to make something beautiful out of it, and to do so I must remain faithful in prayer and keep my eyes on Jesus.

How do you define hope? How did you come to this definition? I would love to hear your story. So comment below or send me an email at definingjoyinhope@gmail.com.

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Reprioritizing My Loves

“Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” - Job 1:9-11 NIV

Tim Keller preached a series on Job, and the first sermon "Questions of Suffering” he addressed how it all began: with a conversation between God and Satan. How Satan questions Job’s faith (above passage). Keller points out how Satan is saying Job loves God only for everything he had: all his riches, his wife, his many children, his houses, his servants, all his possessions, these were the reasons Satan said Job loved God. So God said:

"Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” - Job 1:12

Keller expands on how God doesn’t love suffering, but he gives allowance for things to happen in order to defeat Satan by turning it into something good. Keller also encourages us in God’s authority in that he sets a boundary for how far Satan can go, knowing this is how much Job can handle. So also God takes such care of us. For:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

The Greek word for “temptation” is “peirasmos” meaning: “an experiment, a trial, temptation.” While “tempted” is “peirasthēnai” meaning: “to make proof of, to attempt, test, tempt.” So God allows things to enter our life, trials, bad things, but not more than he knows we can handle, because he is using the temptation to prove our faith, call us to himself, teach us how to rely on him, accept his provision and his ways.

Around the time I listened to this sermon I went through a difficult conflict. While a resolution was made and I have been made aware of more things to be mindful of and need to be worked on, I feel like I have lost someone very precious to me.

When I was twenty-two I considered suicide. God gave me a montage that revealed how selfish of me that would be, because it would have broken my Mom’s heart because she loves me very much. And looking back, had I proceeded, I would never have met a single one of my nieces. This blessing to still be alive and get to know them is most notable with my eldest niece. With this conflict, I had to let go, in a way, my eldest niece.

In a couple sermons later “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering”, Tim Keller does a little Q&A at the end and helps describe ways that help us handle suffering. One of the things he notes is “reprioritizing our loves.” Basically reevaluating the things we hold dear, whether people, objects, possessions, titles, God, etc., and asking what do we love most? If it is anything other than God it is an idol, and when Satan says we only love God because of this idol, we will be crushed. But if it is God, when we lose the thing that we hold dear, we may feel crushed for a time, but by clinging to God he will give us something much more precious.

I love my nieces very much, and clung to them dearly. And for a little more context, about five months ago I was in a sinful relationship with my boyfriend that my sister-in-law was very strict about not wanting me to be around my nieces while I continued in that relationship. The prospect of losing my nieces was really my eye opener in seeing how far I had strayed and the type of example I was living. And that was something I did not want. So, with said sister-in-law, I was finally able to break up a few weeks later.

This was encouraging for me, because I could imagine Satan telling God that I only loved him because of my nieces.

But by reprioritizing my loves I do not need to fear the prospect of losing my relationship with my nieces and am finding strength to continue despite the rift that has currently separated me from some of my nieces. Because even if I never see my nieces again, my love for God and thankfulness for what he has done for me will remain. I may be heartbroken at losing them, but I have a much greater gift and joy in the salvation of my Savior.

Is there something you hold dear that you must let go of? Do you need to reprioritize your loves?