Back at Square One

 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. - Romans 7:18-20 NIV

This past weekend I found myself back, once more, to square one. Depressed and struggling I lost sight of all hope, of God’s love for me, of any joy. I yearned to crawl out of my skin as though that would free me from the discomfort and the pain. But even if I left my body the emotions would follow me. So I wished for death once more. I pleaded like Job for God to just let my life end (Job 14:13).

But my end is not now. God tells me again to remain. Hold on for a little bit longer. He picks me up and wraps me in his arms. He sings over me His promises and love. He brings to remembrance all the ways He has carried me through before. He tells me He is still there beside me:

• “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

• So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10 NIV

My mom reminds me to be still and know that [He is] God (Psalm 46:10). So as I sit and check emails, He leads me to an *email series I had signed up to receive and had forgotten. The first had a playlist. As I listened, I read the emails and copied down the verses she gave us to remember and to encourage us.

I hate myself. But the more I learn about God’s love for me, the more I learn to love myself, enabling me to love others.

My counselor reminds me that it is not myself I hate, but my choices, my actions. In Romans 7:18-20, Paul shares his struggles with his sin nature, in doing what he doesn’t want to do, and not being able to do what his heart desires.

For God places in my heart the desire to do His will (Philippians 2:13). He patiently reminds me again and again that He also supplies what I need (2 Peter 1:3). And He encourages me that what He starts He will complete (Philippians 1:6).

So let’s get back up. Stand firm. Then step off of square one.

*The Email series is by Abby McDonald, check out her blog here!

Sandals

 “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” - Exodus 3:5

Moses was commanded to take off his sandals in the presence of God. His sandals would have been caked with all the dirt and stains of everywhere he had walked - as all the sins and mistakes of life stain us. These things God calls us to lay aside because sin is not welcome in His presence.

But God did not tell Moses to remove his sandals before entering His presence, but He told Moses to remove the sandals because he was already standing on holy ground. As Christians, there is a turning point, like Moses, when we went from not standing on holy ground to standing on holy ground. And this is only possible by accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior, that He has already paid our debt on the cross and made it possible to stand in God’s presence on holy ground.

However, there is still that process of sanctification, of being set apart, of being made holy. And this process comes from us confessing, and God forgiving and purifying.

1 John 1:9 says: if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. The Greek word for confess is homologeó which means “to speak the same, to agree.”

We must agree with God that those are stains, that we are dirty, that we have sinned (fell short of His standards), that we have made mistakes, before He can forgive us.

When I see my own stains and dirt, and look at my sins and mistakes, I often think I have to continue making those mistakes, walking in that sin. Because that must be who I am. So that must be what I do. For I cannot change on my own, and nothing I do can wash away my stains. Sometimes the sandals are so comfortable I want to keep them on. But other times they are so tight on my feet I don’t know how they will ever come off.

This is why I thought when I got into the relationship with my ex, I had to remain in that relationship. I felt stuck. I was the one that asked him out. I made that choice, so I had to stick with it. I felt like I had let those boundaries get crossed that never should have. Doing the very things I knew shouldn't be done outside of a marriage. I thought I had gone too far and since I was already doing these things I thought I had to continue in them. But then I read the words "God doesn't love us because of what we do. He loves us because of who He is" (Redeemed like David by Mark Ballenger) and realized I didn't have to keep those sandals on any longer.

For while God loves us as we are, and demonstrated that love by sending His son while we were sinners (Romans 5:8), God loves us too much to leave us that way. He desires to forgive us, cleanse us, and make us more like Jesus. To be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16).

When Jesus died on the cross, and I accepted Him as my Savior, He began the process of taking away my sandals (all the different pairs I wear). However, I was responsible to confess, agreeing with Jesus that these sandals do indeed need to come off. Sometimes it’s difficult to get them off and takes time for them to be fully removed. Sometimes we need someone else’s help to get them off. But it is God who removes the sandals, taking them far away so we can never put them back on - as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12).

While I seem to have to keep learning this process over and over again, God is patient with me. He is also merciful in addressing only the amount of issues I can face at a time. Though sometimes it is difficult, the peace and freedom I feel afterwards is always so worth it.

Even while I stood on holy ground, I wore dirty sandals. When I walked away from God after a relationship I thought I needed, and needed to get on my own, those sandals got covered with mud. Yet when I turned back to God and took off those sandals, He was so faithful not to just take away those sandals, but to wash my feet - to purify me and make me whole again. Now I not only stand on holy ground in Christ's righteousness, but also as though I had never strayed in that way. Because God keeps no record of our wrongs (Jeremiah 31:34)

So where is God calling you to change? What do your "sandals" look like that you must remove? Surrender it to God today, and let Him transform your life. Because as He is continuing to work in my life, I know He is also working in your life.

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All Bible references are from the New International Version (NIV) unless noted otherwise.

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