There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them… All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines. - 1 Corinthians 12:4, 11
I have always thought if something is to be fair or equal, then it has to be exactly the same. But when I read what Karen wrote in Pressing Pause warning about playing favoritism, she wrote: “God can impart to us a love for each of our children that is special and unique without being preferential” (emphasis added).
Special and unique.
When I was in my early twenties the youngest of my brothers got married. A few months later they had big news - they were pregnant (at least my sister-in-law was). I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to reel in my envious spirit with a prayer to God to help me to be happy for them. Because inside I was struggling with the question: “Why them? Why not me?” To me, they were living the life I thought I wanted and needed.
Recently though I have been learning how much God knows the deepest, true desires of my heart much better than I do. He knew my brother and sister-in-law were what the other needed. The two children they have are special blessings (and sometimes challenges) He has designed especially for them.
Likewise, God’s special and unique love for me meant saying no to a gift I saw someone else get because He knew that wouldn’t have brought the same joy to my heart and praise to His glorious name. Yet He still met my desire for a child in the way He saw was best. Today, I have the honor of sponsoring three little girls across the world, and the pleasure (and mess) of working in a daycare.
These gifts and ways God met our desires were different but are working to produce the same result: a rejoicing in our heart for God's provision and praise to His glorious name. For God knew the most impactful way to reach our hearts in order to draw us closer to Him and deeper in His love.
My nephew and niece are different in a variety of ways. One loves canned baked beans, the other does not. Showing special and unique love means serving the one child baked beans, while withholding the baked beans from the other child. In some eyes this may seem unfair, even sometimes in the receivers. But even the withholding is honoring the latter child’s preference, and leaves space for them to receive something they truly enjoy.
So what makes things fair? Or equal?
With Christmas approaching, I noted my brother and his wife’s goal of spending only so much money on each present. They also made a point in saying sometimes one present would go over that limit but another might go below that limit. I found that same fluctuation around my own limit happening as well. Part of me worried about the “unevenness” of my giving.
But what if the value isn’t in the dollar amount or receiving the exact same gift as the person next to us? What if the value is instead in how much we value the present we have received, and the equal or fairness comes from how much I love this sweater as much as you love the socks you received?
The same goes for the gifts, skills, talents, and blessings God gives us. Instead of looking at what everyone else has and is getting or even able to do, what if we were to look at what is already in our hands? What are we receiving that to us is just as precious and amazing as the other person’s gift is to them? What are the things we are capable of doing to glorify God and share His love and truth?
All Bible references are from the New International Version (NIV) unless noted otherwise.
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